I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
