Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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