My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
