you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
