the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
