You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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