i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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