my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
