Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
