He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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