I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
