He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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