You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize