she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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