WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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