I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
