bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize