mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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