Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
