Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
