found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
