Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Less talking, more tequila
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
