bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
