Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
