if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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