we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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