What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
