I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize