I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
