are you still at the devil's house?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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