One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
