We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
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