Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
