there's paper in my vomit.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
