I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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