His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
