Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
