apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
