Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
