I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize