its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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