everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
