Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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