It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
