I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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