i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
