he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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