When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
