I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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