I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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