how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this boner is exhausting
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
