he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize