True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
