can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
