Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
