I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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