Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
