you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We talked him into tasing himself.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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