Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
