We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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