You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
