Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
