Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You can't just leave with hair like that
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
