Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
