just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
