.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
