she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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