I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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