YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize