btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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