dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
