I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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