i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
