i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
