oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A+ Viking dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
