I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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