I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
