I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
