She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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