My liver just broke up with me...
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
