Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
