two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
