This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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