You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
