It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
