In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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