If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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