you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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