I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
