I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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