And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
