dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
