I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
