If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
