you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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