bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
