Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
