Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
