new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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