so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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