Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
