are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
