Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
