thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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